I offically hate hair gel! My Aunt Joy is doing my yarn braids in my hair for me, and not quite half done two days later. Hair gel is dried, and itchy.

Shit around here is the same. Except the electricity is messed up. Half the living room, and my grandparents bedroom don't have electricity. So for the third day straight, my creepy uncle Gary will be here to try and help fix it. It is becoming quite annoying.

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I leave in about a week to go to my dads. Oh what joy. I really do appreciate him taking me to a concert-- the last ones I've been to, it just seems like thats where I belong. Listening to music, and screaming it out!

I have no idea what I'm going to do for three weeks. Kev. has offered that its okay to call him sometime. Jason may be coming too, but only as friends now. Which I believe is for the better.

I'm calling Jessica during My Chemical Romance and Hawthorne Heights! She can't be there with me this year (BUT SHE MUST NEXT YEAR!) but she is still going to hear some of it-- or I'll be damned! :-p Jessica has got to be my now closest and best friend. It makes me sad since she can't be there with me this year, when there are so many bands we both want to see. I <3 you Jess!

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On a much more... I don't know what kind of note it would be-- Sad, perhaps.

I feel as if nothing is okay anymore. As if nothing will ever be correct, the way it should be. As if I will never be as I should be.

It seemed that when I was with Jason while he was here, my mask fell away. My mask of emotion, to never show it. My mask of who I was-- I wanted no one to see. Now he is gone, and it must come back up.

How could I let it fall? It let everyone see, clearly, how I was -- Who I was. I do not know if I can put it back up. Will I be willing to let myself be exposed, to actually let a friend in to see whats really there?

Have you already seen it? Have you already seen the true me?

©Amanda J. Potter